Rob Schneider: A Serious Biography

This post is just here to appreciate Rob Schneider’s shitty roles. Seriously, what is the deal with Rob Schneider? Has Rob, ever, in his entire life, said no to a role? Remember when Rob was a male prostitute named “Deuce Bigalow”? Twice? Yeah, that was amazing. Remember when he played the small man in Grown Ups? Stellar performance. Remember Citizen Kane? OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW. ROB SCHNEIDER TRUMPS ALL OF THAT SHIT.

Fun facts about Rob:

Rob has played Hitler on multiple occasions. Again, is there anything he¬†won’t do?

Rob has probably played the most racist roles out of anyone in Happy Madison.

Rob is probably some homeless dude Adam Sandler found on the street, and was all like, “Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if we just started putting this homeless bum in every single one of our movies?” And everyone else was like, “No. That wouldn’t be funny at all, Adam.”

Rob has a music foundation. That one’s not a joke, it’s just genuinely interesting.

Rob likes to announce his politcal opinions, for some reason. He announced he was no longer going to be a Democrat. He then changed to Republican. An entire two whole people cared.

Rob is against vaccinations. In other news, Rob’s son now has Polio. I’m guessing. Probably.

Also, he was in Demolition Man. Not really that interesting at all, but I thought that was kinda cool. I mean, cool in a Rob Schneider kind of way. As in “This is cool compared to like, fuckin, i dunno, moldy bread.”